Watchmen

I know that I have overstepped my bounds, but I sometimes feel like it cannot be helped. More than any, I lust after B.. Her beauty is striking and her wit is infatuating. I long to engage in protracted conversations with her, to let our thoughts reach the logical conclusions that they cannot fully come to when we speak in more crowded situations. More though, I see the way she moves and how I could move her and move with her. Yes, there would be something to that. So I have stated my position too bluntly to no avail today.

Here is the thing. What will happen will probably not be with B. or even S., though I would much prefer it. B. has captured my imagination of late but S. has lingered in my mind for many years now. What will probably happen is that it will take the shape of some other lovely, who I know less and who I am less likely to compromise myself and who would have to compromise themselves less as well. It is probably for the better, but it is a damned shame. I hope that I am wrong.

So I have seen Watchmen and it is nothing like the previews. I am not here to review the movie however, I'm here to talk about Dan.

More specifically, how well I relate to him. It is not that I am impotent when powerless, but rather something of an interesting opposite. When I am at my most confident I am more charming, more contented, etc. When I have been smacked down, however, when a project is poor, when passed for a promotion I felt I deserved, I am less charming, less content. In the latter, however, I am hornier, more sly and sexy. I take higher risks. Had Dan (in the watchmen movie) been a superhero, he would not have sprung Rorschach from jail. It was a high-risk maneuver to recapture that feeling of accomplishment he had and lost.

I am here because I have been beaten down. What I have accomplished is not enough, what I have achieved is unsatisfying, what I possess cannot sate me. I prowl for more, I put my body on exhibit for the the lust of others and it fuels my own lust and satisfaction. What comes with it, however, is the guilt of my infidelity. I am frustrated by myself and that frustration manifests itself in the need to be better, sexier, seducing more women, having more sex. I therapist would suggest I simply concentrate my efforts on self-improvement, but I cannot. I am Dan seeking the thrill of the superhero, even though it could get me in trouble and ruin the stability of a good, if sometimes boring, life.

Dan is the everyman in his power and his powerlessness, his living for something that which is not part of his life, the thrill of the forbidden. I am also that everyman. Nite Owl is an appropriate name. I too cruise the streets in the dark hours of the night, seeking out that bang and wow, that thrill and that satisfaction.